Posted by Creative Goddess on June 11, 2010 in flow of life, forgiveness, simplifying with 2 Comments
Day 4 of the challenge and writing about fear has been suggested as the topic. wow! 800 words about fear. ok here goes.
as with most of us I have fears that rise up and try to take over and render me helpless. sucks right? those fears that we let take away our power and we want to curl up in our beds under the covers and hide from the world. especially fears of what will other people think? fears of I can’t do that, I am not good enough. fears of I do not deserve good things happening to me. fears of life is so wonderful right now, I really should not ask for any more goodness, that would be greedy. Fears of everything good and wonderful in your life falling all apart and being devastated. I have gone through the everything falling apart and being devastated and really it is not that bad, you completely surprise yourself with an inner strength and power that rises you up and gets you out of the worry head space and puts you in survival head space which is completely in the present moment.
the latest fear that I conquered is my fear of the dark. since I had children this fear has grown steadily. I was an expert at arranging things so that I did not have to drive in the dark, and if I had to my anxiety level was HUGE. I was even terror stricken to walk across the yard from my healing house where I have my business located and my house that I live in. it is only about 200 feet. Yet it is black and I feared something would jump out at me. since I live in the country and on a ranch, there is always a lot of things moving around in the dark. friends of mine like the horses, cows, bulls, cats, Llama or dog. if I took a path that went through the barnyard so that I always had a yard light I could see I was ok. even though this involved climbing over 2 fences. I did that a lot. the easier path was around the shop, but there was a 12 foot patch of total darkness where the yard light did not reach to illuminate. TERROR!! my husband even put up a dusk till dawn light to make sure I always had light . then we redid some of the fence and created a new gate so that I had an easier path and stayed in light the whole time. Then some opportunities came up that would involve me driving at night in the darkness so it was time to release this fear.
I knew I could not do it alone. so I enlisted a Goddess pal who is an expert in hypnosis. we chatted and as she took me through a guided meditation to get a sense of what was scaring me, I was even more scared, but not surprised at where that journey took us. On a soul level I knew what happened. in my conscious mind though I blocked it so that I could survive. as with a lot of women there is trauma and horrific acts that happened to me as a baby and a toddler. I am happy that I chose not to remember until now. I am not sure that I could have handled it before this. there are so many layers to heal, so many people to forgive, so much crud to release. it is those things that no one wants to talk about and families tend to hide or deny in fear of what other people will think. SUCKS!! I wish for a world in which this does not happen and when it does it can be addressed as a wound that needs to be healed and taken care of for everyone involved.
one entertaining thing that happened after Sharon ( www.springfieldhypnosis.net~if you wish to check her out) sent me the hypnosis to download and do, was that my internet took a holiday about a third of the way through. so, I chose to stay in the hypnosis mode and start releasing some of the crud, until I could get to a friends store that has high speed internet and download the whole session. that was the next day. My family and I went to a bull sale; my husband was aware that I was still in hypnosis mode. the interesting part of that is that I ran into a family member who played a role in the drama/ trauma of my past. I am not close with much of the extended family, (as in I barely ever see any of them except at funerals or weddings or by accident) so there is some anxiety when I run into them. since, I was still in hypnosis mode, it did not matter at all that we ran into each other. there was no anxiety, I really did not care. I was able to chat as if I had run into a neighbor from long ago, and keep it very superficial. the whole day played out like a day dream. I was fully conscious, but in a space of extreme detachment. I would not do it again, stay in hypnosis for a day, challenging to get anything accomplished. It was interesting to experience though.
as with most people who have trauma that they chose not to remember there is always a wondering if it is true. I have no doubts. why? because I am no longer afraid of the dark, and as an added bonus my absolute paralyzing terror stricken even if it was a picture or a scene on the TV fear of snakes is gone. now, if there is a picture of one in a magazine, I do not even notice, before it would have jumped out at me and I would have been paralyzed with terror for a few seconds. Cool hey! we were at the zoo recently and for the first time ever I was able to look at the snakes. cautiously as I still do not care for them, but not in terror that they could somehow get out of their cage and get me. wahoo!!! freedom from fear! In freudian philosophy snakes represent the phallus. I am not a huge fan of all of Freuds work, I prefer Jungian philosophy, but this was very interesting to me, and of course I can see the truth in it.
I am proof that even though traumatic things may happen to you, they are NOT who you are. I have survived all of this with my sparkly personality still intact, and which is why I am good at what I do. I attract a lot of clients who have experienced what I have experienced in some form or another and together we heal the soul and release the crud.
wow, so my 800 words on fear turned out to be more than that . cool!
hugs to all!
Posted by Creative Goddess on May 25, 2010 in ranch life, simplifying with No Comments
my energy was all jumpy this evening so I decided it was time for a walk. great idea, although there is still that small issue of the really really grumpy bull who really really wants to be out with the cows but we really really do not want calves born in snowstorms. so, I walk way around his area. he still gives me that grumpy look, but it is from a large distance and steel fences in between us so I am ok with that. or so I thought.
I was sauntering along, and my horses came racing over to see what I was up to, funny how that never happens when I wish to catch one. all this time I am keeping an eye on Mr. grumpy growly pants bull ( kids named him that) as I was nearing the gate to my favorite walking place, a pretty forest of trees, I hear clanging. hmmmm….. Mr. Growls a lot is trying to leap over a steel fence, fortunately he did not make it. unfortunately he keeps trying. I stop to ponder. if he makes an escape, my nice quiet walk in my favorite enchanted forest is right where he is going to go on his way to the cows. hmmmm…. do I want to be up there and hear this awful growling mooing coming at me because he once again has managed to escape and have the sh*t scared out of me, or do I want to head back to the house now. well, I watched him make another attempt and I jogged~ thats right jogged, back to the house.
I was not very happy. all fun and games but this bull is really starting to p*ss me off. he is interfering with my exercise and meditation program, and I really do not have much of an inclination to exercise so this is BIG interference. I stomped into the house and said to my husband, Ok this bull has to go soon!! I do not know if he is going to be able to stay around to do his job. he is either going to break a leg or other parts trying to leap steel fences ( apparently he thinks he has super powers) or he is going to hurt someone with his bad attitude. so what are we going to do. well, my husband in his calmness says I would really like to keep him around for breeding and then we will sell him. I was not thrilled.
then husband says but if he does get out of this pen, I am out of options so he will have to go. I said Ok, I can live with that. it is up to the Universe ( hee hee) if he escapes he is getting sold. I then had the urge to step outside and watch the bull pace around his pen. I called out to my dear husband to join me and said look at him, he is determined to get out. right then we heard a big big crash of fences breaking. yup, you guessed it, he got out yet again. had a few mouthfuls of grass and headed up into my enchanted pasture on his way to the ladies bellowing all the way. I know for a fact that I would have freaked out if I was enjoying my forest and heard him coming. would have totally channeled my inner cat and been up in a tree sooooo fast!!!! thank goodness for intuitive messages. BTW the fence that was between me and him was the one he crashed. so Mr. grumpy growly pants is on his way to the next sale and on to his next purpose~ perhaps a hot dog or a hamburger or a buffet near you. Enjoy! ( and I may or may not have sent out the intention that he escape again soon. I am not admitting to anything 
)
Posted by Creative Goddess on April 6, 2010 in guidance, positive thoughts, simplifying with No Comments
Witch Wizardess Balls
I love the Witch balls that I stock in my store. They are pretty, and have an energy that is unbelievable. Everyone who gets one absolutely loves them. The legend is awfully cool too. for those of you that do not know it, these hand blown glass balls were created in the 1700′s as a protection from witches. they were hung in windows to protect against evil and negativity. this was the time of the witch hunts~a campaign against people with unpopular views. the juicy part of the legend is that witches hung them in their windows as a sign that they were not witches. funny huh?
As I ponder the word witch, according to the dictionary it means female who practices magic; ugly wicked woman; fascinating woman. Really? according to this same dictionary a wizard is: magician; person with outstanding skill in a particular field. WTF I mean interesting!
so a woman practising magic is bad, yet a man practising magic is good. well that pretty much sucks a lot doesn’t it!! Especially when those that were hunted and burned, drowned or hung, were healers. they were helping people. because seriously anyone who is trying their hand at the so called black stuff is sure not going to let anyone know about it.
I also do not buy into the evil witch myth. in any occupation you have people with bad intentions. magic is energy. that is it. we all use it, we all do it, some of us are more aware than others of it. nothing scary or bad about that is there? goes back to how males in power were freaked out about women so basically tried to use fear to control them. think of the times you have called someone a witch, or been called one yourself, it was when you were doing something or behaving in a way that someone did not like. was it really any of their business? you were being you and got a negative reaction. lets turn that around and say you were being you therefore being a witch and doing things from your authentic self, no matter what others think/say/ or do is a good great thing to do. wahoo!! lets celebrate being Witches and change the negative connotation. or maybe lets use the word Wizardess since it has a positive energy to it. that sounds fun. Wizardess: magician, a woman who has outstanding skills in all fields; a woman who knows how to use her power and is making the world a better place to be. I love it!! I am now selling Wizardess balls in my store.
Tree of Encouragement
to check out more Wizardess balls go to the Goddess Gifts tab
lots of hugs
Shannon
Posted by Creative Goddess on December 1, 2009 in downsizing, lessons, simplifying with No Comments
one of my challenges in this incarnation is relationships with friends. I struggle with letting go of friendships that are no longer healthy. I have been caught up in the popularity, going for quantity rather than quality, and it has caused me despair. I find myself caught in the trap of not wanting to hurt someone elses’ feelings even though I am miserable in the interactions.
Facebook is a great example of getting caught up in the popularity and wanting to have a lot of friends. been there. I am an empath, what that means is that I can feel what others are feeling. it is a gift in my healing work, sucks in everyday life. being able to feel what others are feeling has caused me to stay in relationships and make choices to spare the other person. today, I choose me. no more choosing to spare the other person to the detriment of myself. it is none of my business what other people are thinking or feeling. it is also none of my business what they think or feel about me. what is my business is me. if it is not feeling good in my energy~let it go. I know for myself I rarely went online to chat, simply because some of the people who would pop on to chat with me wanted something. a mini reading, some advice etc…. I have no problem with that when I have time etc… sometimes though, I wanted a simple chat, a hi how are you interchange with a friend. I did not want to “work” . it did get to a point where when anyone wanted to chat, I waited for the question, from everyone. not pleasant. to do what I do I get myself into a certain energy. to have a clear connection and get the best info for the person I am reading for. I felt that I would not be in the best space to get the most accurate info when all I wanted to do was have a smile seeing what my friends were up to. so, I quit going online to chat with anyone. that is not choosing me.
I apologize to everyone on a soul level if you are hurt by my choices. it is not an intentional hurt. I am choosing me. I also realized today that by making excuses and explaining my actions to another for validation is not being authentic to myself. the only person that can truly validate me is me. The bonus of choosing me~ I feel lighter in spirit, and I have a lot more energy! wahoo!! how fabulous is that!
I challenge everyone to choose you! if on your Facebook friend list there are people that you are not energetically in alignment with and reading their updates or pondering interacting feels forced or drags your energy, consider choosing you. You can also put them in Facebook siberia and put them on a list where you do not read their status, or change your settings so that they cannot see all your stuff. absolutely. does that serve you? energetically does that work for you? try it and see. no matter what CHOOSE YOU! the other gift in choosing you and letting go is that space is created for even better. how fabulous is that!
hugs
Posted by Creative Goddess on March 11, 2009 in Intentions, downsizing, simplifying with No Comments
with all that is going on economically right now, i have been working on downsizing and simplifying our life. money wise, i just stay out of Walmart. it is too tempting to throw things in the cart and justifing it by “oh its only 10 bucks, a deal really” well a few “deals” later and…. well you all know the rest of this story. so, i stay home, and spend my time on the internet instead. LOL!! so, in this process of downsizing, i wanted to downsize our cell phone bells & whistles. I called the company to do so a couple of weeks ago. I got told that I couldn’t or i would lose all my package deal, and a bunch of other stuff that I really did not understand, and was so confused after about 3 minutes, that I said leave it. I was very frustrated. Today, i decided i was getting it done. I set the intention that i would get someone on the other end of the phone who I could understand, and communicate clearly with, and that they would be able to do as i asked. well, SUCCESS!! after the first few seconds of oh, are you sure you want to do that, you can save money if you add this $10 plan to your existing ones. WHOA!!! I said NO, i am downsizing, i chose to not afford what I have now, i want to pay LESS!! there was still a little double talk, but i was patient and made them repeat everything a few times, so that we were clear. it ended up that they did what i thought they could last time I called. and…. i got voice mail thrown in for free! the only difference between the calls was my intentions and energy with it. quite possibly 2 weeks ago i may not have been ready to give up the e-mail and internet access on my phone~ well obviously since they easily talked me out of it. Today, i realized that i thought I should have those things on my phone, even though I rarely used them, just in case!! did it make me feel important & special to be so technologically connected? absolutely!! Today, i realized that I can feel that way without the phone having those features. SO, i downsized, and it feels great! but I am still staying out of Walmart, but a trip to the dollar store may just be in my near future! 
