forgiveness « Goddess Power with the Psychic Cowgirl

communication and insecurities

Posted by Creative Goddess on August 20, 2010 in Intentions, forgiveness, lessons with No Comments

I have insecurities, like all of us. One of the ones I am working on is the struggle with all the information available to me as a business owner to weed out what works for me and what does not. at times I feel overwhelmed with all the resources available, and I have to shut down and walk away. too much information!!!

then comes the Ok, this looks like an opportunity for networking that may work for me. so after much analyzing I go for it. to find that the group or person I reached out to does not answer me back. frustrating… why yes!! why have they not answered me or even acknowledged that they received my request or message.

exactly like when you meet a new person, you think they are Interesting, so you send them a message stating that it was good to meet them and you admire what they are doing, and they NEVER answer back or acknowledge. rude I think. then you wonder, well maybe they did not get my message, or they simple think you are not cool enough or someone they wish to associate with. fair enough. would be nice though if you could know for sure. especially since sending more messages does border on stalking.

same with the marketing opportunities. when they do not answer is it because my business does not fit in with their parameters, or what. a nice thanks for your message, but we are not interested at this time would be great. takes the wondering out of it all. isn`t there a business etiquette that states something like that. it is challenging not to take it personally. considering what I do is not to everyones taste. a lot of people are intimidated and freaked out by it. it would not surprise me if that is why I do not receive some responses. that is their issue, and not mine.

so, since I do believe in the golden rule-treat everyone how you wish to be treated- I am going to answer every e-mail or request that I am not interested in pursuing with a thanks for the message, but no thank you. as I write this I sent off 5 e-mails to say thanks, but no thanks at this time.

it will be interesting to see how it all turns out. with facebook, twitter and linked in, we have the ability to send messages and make connections with a lot of people. this also means that some will ignore you. feels uncomfortable. yet, we probably do the same without realizing. I am going to consciously choose to be aware of that also. I have met people that I thought were interesting, tried to connect with them and was completely ignored. I have not figured out how to take that yet. still working on it.

same with people sending me messages that they want an appointment, so I go through my calender, send them some dates and then never hear back. a bit frustrating. I can solve that one though. I now only make appointments over the phone. I am running a business and my time is valuable. if you are serious, you will make the call, or send me an e-mail so I can call you. less wondering on my part. especially since my schedule does fill up quickly.

as I reread this post, I realize it does all boil down to communication. with all the different communication choices, what is the etiquette. ( the question mark is not working on my keyboard at the moment if you were wondering…) with our busy lives, we can forget or ignore communication requests. is it a subconscious thing or a conscious thing, or have we gotten lazy with etiquette. hmmmm…….something to ponder.

I am going to choose to believe that all communication requests that I send out and are not acknowledged or answered is because that person or group is not a right fit for me, and the universe is taking care of that for me. there is always a purpose. choosing to believe that they energies are not in alignment is a way nicer way to look at it than feeling insecure because someone is ignoring you. because really it is none of my business why they are not communicating with me, it is my business to feel good about me. no matter what.

I am entertained by the fact that this blog post started out with my frustrations on marketing from a business perspective and ended up with the personal perspective also. looking outside of myself for validation and confirmation that I am worthwhile. enough of that. I am also going to choose to rejoice in all the people that do communicate with me. there is a whole lot more that do not ignore me than there is that do. wahoo!!! and if I get really too much in my head about it, time to take a break and go ride my horse and look at my cows. they are always happy to communicate with me. no matter what. or listen to George Strait to take me to my happy place.

hugs to all

Shannon

me & Duke

being Fearless. 21-5-800

Posted by Creative Goddess on June 11, 2010 in flow of life, forgiveness, simplifying with 2 Comments

Day 4 of the challenge and writing about fear has been suggested as the topic. wow! 800 words about fear. ok here goes.

as with most of us I have fears that rise up and try to take over and render me helpless. sucks right? those fears that we let take away our power and we want to curl up in our beds under the covers and hide from the world. especially fears of what will other people think? fears of I can’t do that, I am not good enough. fears of I do not deserve good things happening to me. fears of life is so wonderful right now, I really should not ask for any more goodness, that would be greedy. Fears of everything good and wonderful in your life falling all apart and being devastated. I have gone through the everything falling apart and being devastated and really it is not that bad, you completely surprise yourself with an inner strength and power that rises you up and gets you out of the worry head space and puts you in survival head space which is completely in the present moment.

the latest fear that I conquered is my fear of the dark. since I had children this fear has grown steadily. I was an expert at arranging things so that I did not have to drive in the dark, and if I had to my anxiety level was HUGE. I was even terror stricken to walk across the yard from my healing house where I have my business located and my house that I live in. it is only about 200 feet. Yet it is black and I feared something would jump out at me. since I live in the country and on a ranch, there is always a lot of things moving around in the dark. friends of mine like the horses, cows, bulls, cats, Llama or dog. if I took a path that went through the barnyard so that I always had a yard light I could see I was ok. even though this involved climbing over 2 fences. I did that a lot. the easier path was around the shop, but there was a 12 foot patch of total darkness where the yard light did not reach to illuminate. TERROR!! my husband even put up a dusk till dawn light to make sure I always had light . then we redid some of the fence and created a new gate so that I had an easier path and stayed in light the whole time. Then some opportunities came up that would involve me driving at night in the darkness so it was time to release this fear.

I knew I could not do it alone. so I enlisted a Goddess pal who is an expert in hypnosis. we chatted and as she took me through a guided meditation to get a sense of what was scaring me, I was even more scared, but not surprised at where that journey took us. On a soul level I knew what happened. in my conscious mind though I blocked it so that I could survive. as with a lot of women there is trauma and horrific acts that happened to me as a baby and a toddler. I am happy that I chose not to remember until now. I am not sure that I could have handled it before this. there are so many layers to heal, so many people to forgive, so much crud to release. it is those things that no one wants to talk about and families tend to hide or deny in fear of what other people will think. SUCKS!! I wish for a world in which this does not happen and when it does it can be addressed as a wound that needs to be healed and taken care of for everyone involved.

one entertaining thing that happened after Sharon ( www.springfieldhypnosis.net~if you wish to check her out) sent me the hypnosis to download and do, was that my internet took a holiday about a third of the way through. so, I chose to stay in the hypnosis mode and start releasing some of the crud, until I could get to a friends store that has high speed internet and download the whole session. that was the next day. My family and I went to a bull sale; my husband was aware that I was still in hypnosis mode. the interesting part of that is that I ran into a family member who played a role in the drama/ trauma of my past. I am not close with much of the extended family, (as in I barely ever see any of them except at funerals or weddings or by accident) so there is some anxiety when I run into them. since, I was still in hypnosis mode, it did not matter at all that we ran into each other. there was no anxiety, I really did not care. I was able to chat as if I had run into a neighbor from long ago, and keep it very superficial. the whole day played out like a day dream. I was fully conscious, but in a space of extreme detachment. I would not do it again, stay in hypnosis for a day, challenging to get anything accomplished. It was interesting to experience though.

as with most people who have trauma that they chose not to remember there is always a wondering if it is true. I have no doubts. why? because I am no longer afraid of the dark, and as an added bonus my absolute paralyzing terror stricken even if it was a picture or a scene on the TV fear of snakes is gone. now, if there is a picture of one in a magazine, I do not even notice, before it would have jumped out at me and I would have been paralyzed with terror for a few seconds. Cool hey! we were at the zoo recently and for the first time ever I was able to look at the snakes. cautiously as I still do not care for them, but not in terror that they could somehow get out of their cage and get me. wahoo!!! freedom from fear! In freudian philosophy snakes represent the phallus. I am not a huge fan of all of Freuds work, I prefer Jungian philosophy, but this was very interesting to me, and of course I can see the truth in it.

I am proof that even though traumatic things may happen to you, they are NOT who you are. I have survived all of this with my sparkly personality still intact, and which is why I am good at what I do. I attract a lot of clients who have experienced what I have experienced in some form or another and together we heal the soul and release the crud.

wow, so my 800 words on fear turned out to be more than that . cool!

hugs to all!

Ego as an Ally

Posted by Creative Goddess on January 6, 2010 in forgiveness with 1 Comment

I have been confused on the Ego. according to Wayne Dyer, whom I adore, it means Edge God Out. I can understand that. Living without recognising that a higher power exists, or that there is something greater than ourselves, makes sense. Ok that is what the Ego is about. got it. then…. I took a class and we did EFT which I love. one of the tapping exercises was to send our egos away with love. did that. now I can feel the different energies of ego based decisions and non ego based decisions. Cool!!

Then, I noticed that I felt bad if I had to be assertive or a little bitchy to get some results. It felt like all the work I had done to recognise Ego was not working. Definitely confusing. more understanding was needed for me.

I have recogmises that my ego pattern is not that I feel better than or smarter than other people, mine is the opposite. I feel less than or not as smart as other people. recognising this I can see all the self-sabatoge I have done due to this belief. drinking was my favorite escape and made me feel better than usual. drinking at times let me release my inner bitch and say things I would never say sober then blame it on the alcohol. nice!!! drinking made me feel bolder, smarter, sexier and more in control,( false sense of control) but it also led to a lot of sabatoge of myself. getting into relationships that seemed like a good idea at the time, not so much later. led to decisions that also seemed like a good idea at the time…. not so much later. all to try to hide the fact that I felt less than, powerless over my own life. I did not know how to be me.

It takes a lot of effort and energy to hide who you really are. no wonder I started going gray at 16. I never knew how to accept myself so of course I never felt accepted by others. that is the part of Ego that I work on. my pattern is that when someone makes me feel uncomfortable, I think it is my fault. oh, they must be mirroring something in me. I must be the jerk, and just do not want to admit it. or they sound really arrogant, I am sure that they are not, it must be me who is arrogant and do not want to admit it, or I am being judgemental. see the pattern….. I didn’t.

I truly thought I was so messed up and that everyone else was shining examples of humanity with all its goodness. I seemed to have forgotten that my greatest talent is intuition and reading energy. I was so programmed by my past and my beliefs that I really was cluless. when I react to someones energy, it is because they really are being a jerk, or arrogant, or condescending. it is not me. Wahoo!!!!

It is so incredibly freeing to recognise this. And….so what if they are arrogant, condescending or a jerk. that is not any of my business. I am not here to rescue them, or help them. unless they make an appointment which indicates a desire to change. What is my business is that it is a warning to me that they are not in alignment with me. I see where in the past I have attracted relationships that ended up being a surface realtionship with no real connection or energy exchange. Basically a client that did not pay, and took a lot of my energy.

I have decided to now see how Ego can be an ally, the bitchy parts are what helps me set boundaries, and say no. The getting angry parts are to help me see what I do like and accept and what I do not like and accept. The feeling resentful parts are to show me that a change is in order. The feeling less than parts are to remind me to take back my power. All of these parts as I understood ego were negative and we were to work on releasing those. Maybe in the future I will be in that space, but right now embracing all those shadow parts of me and loving what they are showing me is in my best interest. I am going to work on treating my ego as an ally, not something to get rid of or send away. Seems to be that creating a balance with the Ego is a healthy way to go. Embracing those parts of us that are angry, resentful, jealous, etc….. can show us where change is needed, or when other people are not in alignment with us. We can change our persepective and make it a positive instead of beating ourselves up for negative thoughts. If we did not have an Ego or shadow sides of ourselves, how would we ever grow and change or recognise when there is a need for changes? hmmm…. lots to ponder. I love being able to tune in to my team of Heavenly Helpers to clarify things. Thank You.

may you be safe

may you be happy

may you be healthy

may you live with ease

Hugs

Shannon

Boundaries

Posted by Creative Goddess on April 23, 2009 in Intentions, forgiveness, guidance, lessons with No Comments

over the last few months I have been working on boundaries. I find the concept a bit confusing.”Setting boundaries is about learning to take care of ourselves, no matter what happens, where we go, or who we’re with. Boundaries emerge as we learn to value, trust, and listen to ourselves.” taken from a google search on boundaries. so, as I continue this journey I am learning to set business boundaries~ deciding when I want to work, how I want to work my business so that it fits me and not any “shoulds” and all the other issues that pop in with regard to having my own company. I was doing well setting all those, being clear on my intentions, following through and all that. Now that I am comfortable with that,it is coming to my attention boundaries with regard to personal relationships. I have heard many times the stories of those who are on a Spiritual Journey and are evolving have friends & romantic relationships that go by the wayside as you change your vibrations. you attract those that are in tune with you, and repel those who are not. OK, so how do we handle it when it happens? friendships that are not working anymore. is it easy to let go of those? that leads us to really examine the whole history of the friendship and we may realize that it was not what we thought it was. Interesting! what brought it to my attention is this. How come you can call someone and when they do not return your call in an amount of time that you feel is appropriate we get upset and tell ourselves all sorts of “stories”? “why haven’t they called? do they not realize that I am so delightful to talk to that they should call me back right away? they are avoiding me, I know they are home and not working, what did I do?” etc… you get the picture. Yet the same scenario may happen with another person and it is OK. we tell ourselves a different story about why they have not called. and all those stories are “assumptions” that we have. I pondered that, because really it is nothing the other person “did” or “did not” do~it is our reaction based on our perception of the situation. is it an unbalanced relationship? are my expectations of what a friend is different than theirs? maybe. Maybe I really want to be their friend for some reason that serves me in an unhealthy way that I do not recognize. They more than likely have no idea that it is upsetting. They have their own reasons for not calling right away. Maybe they are having an issue in their life that they really do not want to discuss with you. Or maybe because we are “friends” we feel an obligation to help, but they really do not want our help. even though they may say that they do but their actions say something else. hmmmm interesting… A whole lotta maybes, and it is none of my business why they did not call back, or even what they think of me. what is my business is how I feel about the situation, and what I am willing to put up with (boundaries) still, it can hurt when we perceive a friendship is on its way out of our life, but does bring up stuff to heal. one of the patterns that came up for me was attracting relationships to which I could feel “inferior” in some way and have that “superior” person see value in me by recognizing me as a friend. crazy hey!! A pattern set in my childhood. We do have patterns in our life that are just that~a pattern that really does not serve our highest good, but does serve us in some way. it is a wonderful learning experience when we recognize it as such. How to let go of that pattern? first by recognizing it, acknowledging how it served you and then making the decision to let it go. if you do not acknowledge that a belief is true for you, then you cannot heal it. makes me wonder if we ever really outgrow the desire to be “popular” from our school years. wanting those we perceive to be “better than us” to acknowledge us as someone “worthy” by being our friend. they make a lot of money on movies about this concept. very interesting to me. do we hold onto some relationships for the wrong reasons? Is there people in our lives that when the phone rings and we see it is them we screen the call and make excuses later? Are we that person for someone else? WOW!! I do have more pondering to do, and I am going to pay attention to what comes up in my relationships and how I react because I know that no matter what comes up, it can be healed and changed.
hugs & happy energies

Forgiveness

Posted by Creative Goddess on March 9, 2009 in forgiveness, lessons with No Comments

i was reading an article today about Karma and forgiveness. the article was talking about how we attract the same situations over and over in different disguises until we “get” the lesson. so, as I was thinking about forgiveness, and feeling good that i have worked on forgiving others. then i realized what about forgiving myself? i attracted all the situations, yes ALL of them. even the really ugly ones. Have I forgiven myself? I attracted them to learn, and learn I did! but have i ever forgiven myself? it is easy to blame others for what happens to us, but they were just doing as we asked the Universe to teach us. it is easy to get into victim mode, and even to martyr mode where we forgive whomever has abused, raped or in any way hurt us. No, i decided it is time to forgive myself. so, i wrote a long listof things I forgive myself for. I FORGAVE MYSELF! and now i feel wonderful. one of my goals is to be in a place of inner peace in my life so that no matter what situation arises, i am able to deal with it from a place of love rather than any negative emotions. I am feeling I made a huge step towards that goal by forgiving me, and working on ALWAYS honouring my divinity. go me!! i empowered myself huge today! ~wahoo~ the image above is forgiveness crop circle code from Janosh art.